Lust Read online

  “I can work with that.” Sam smiles, and it’s not just a tiny tip of lips. It’s brilliant and blinding and comes with a hundred different memories.

  “Nothing is happening,” I say to him. “Nothing like last time.”

  Sam nods. “I know.”

  “Then I’ll be right back.”

  5

  Sam and I came to this park a couple of times in high school, but not often enough that I’m overrun with memories. For that, I’m grateful. It makes a truce that much easier.

  As we enter the park, Zeus perks up a little, trotting ahead of us, and suddenly riveted by a pair of squirrels chasing each other up a tree.

  “See?” I say. “Good as new.”

  “I hope so,” Sam says. “He’s the family dog, but he lives with me now. He’s always been a little more mine than the others. And I know he’s getting older but I can’t imagine what it will be like after he’s gone. I’ve had him for a long time.”

  “I remember,” I say softly. But this isn’t the conversation we need. We need something lighter. More normal. “Well you know what I’m doing now. What are you doing?”

  Sam puts his hands in his pockets. “You mean you didn’t track my every move over the last ten years?” He’s smiling.

  I smile too. “Only when I wasn’t pretending that you didn’t exist at all.”

  “I own a custom garage now. I wish I had more time to work on the cars that come in. My father has had me doing some things for the family dynasty.” He says “dynasty” with a pointed bitterness. “But I’m working on separating myself a bit more.”

  “You always did love cars.”

  He nods. “Nothing better than figuring out what makes a complicated machine tick. Or, if you’re lucky, make it run even better.”

  Zeus is trotting around now, and it seems like he’s getting some of his energy back. “I’m surprised you stayed here in Hawthorne,” I say. “You always talked about wanting to get out.”

  “You stayed too.”

  He’s right. I did. But I never had big dreams the way Sam did. All I ever wanted was a home and a family. Not a very trendy dream these days, but I thought I was well on my way to that—

  I stop my thoughts in their tracks. I can’t go there. Not while we’re in truce mode. “Yeah, I stayed.”

  “Fiona,” Sam says, scratching the back of his neck, “I feel like I still know you, but I don’t.”

  “It’s all a little bit déjà vu.”

  “Could we play the old game?”

  It takes me a second to remember what he’s talking about. But then it hits me. Twenty questions. When we first started going out, we’d play our own version of twenty question, ten each back and forth, and they had to be the truth. It helped us get to know each other. “Okay. You go first.”

  Sam crouches, patting Zeus on his side as he noses around some leaves on the ground. “What’s your favorite candy now?”

  I know why he’s asking. I used to be absolutely mad about gummy bears. I couldn’t get enough of them. To the point where Sam bought me a five-pound gummy bear for my birthday. “Still gummy bears,” I say. “But I try not to eat too much sugar now, being a nurse and all.”

  “Fair enough,” he says.

  “Did you play any sports in college?” Sam played every sport imaginable in high school, and he was an amazing swimmer. I never knew if he went on to play something.

  “Basketball. I swam for a little bit, but the people on my team were more serious about it than I was. I wasn’t interested in competing on that level,” he says. “Why didn’t you ever go somewhere like New York, the way Rose did?”

  I smile. I knew he would ask. “I think the idea of home means more to me than it does to Rose. I like that I know everything in this town. I like that everything is familiar.” I pause, trying to think of a question that isn’t going to totally break our truce. “Where do you live now? You said that Zeus is with you.”

  “Not far from here actually,” he says. “I wanted to be a bit farther from the center of town. I’ve got a nice piece of land that Zeus likes to explore. But this park makes him the most happy.”

  We’re near the edge of Hawthorne on the west side. I think I know where he’s talking about, some larger houses and estates are just outside the town line. I’ve always thought I’d done a good job avoiding his side of town, but now I realize that not running into him was more luck than planning.

  The squirrels appear again, and Zeus snaps to attention. They start running, and he sprints after them like he’s a youthful pup again. Sam and I are laughing together, and for a second I remember why I fell in love with him. He’s sweet and genuine, not to mention the fact that he’s sinfully hot. It makes the fact that he won’t tell me the truth about why I wasn’t enough all the more frustrating. Because Sam never does anything without a reason.

  “Do you want to be a vet one day?”

  “Maybe,” I say, “but I’m not sure. I became a nurse because it always seemed like nurses got to actually take care of people more than doctors do. It’s more personal. I think vets are the same way. The techs do the actual work of caring for the animals.”

  Sam stares at me, and I see that familiar intensity there. It makes me want to hide, to look away, but I’m drawn in. The question pops out of my mouth before I can stop myself. “Why didn’t you leave? You always swore that you would go off and have grand adventures.”

  He doesn’t look away, and I see him swallow. I see the struggle—he doesn’t know if he wants to admit the truth, but because of the rules of the game, he’s not allowed to lie. “I never left because you were here.”

  It feels like the breath has been knocked out of me, and it has. Zeus has crashed into my legs chasing the squirrels. I’m knocked into Sam and we go down together. I land on top of him, and suddenly our closeness and his admission charges the air around us. Sam’s arms are around me and I realize he’s grabbed onto me to protect me from the fall. His hands slide up until they’re fully wrapped around me, and I’m pressed closer to him. “God, I want to kiss you,” he says.

  That is such a bad idea, but his eyes are level with mine and I feel like I’m falling into them. Being this close to Sam messes with my head, and no matter what I do when he’s touching me, I feel like I’m home. Bad ideas be damned. “Do it.”

  Sam pulls my lips down to his, and God—

  I can’t even think.

  His hand curves around the back of my neck, holding us together. I open to him, and his tongue possesses me in a way that takes what little breath I have away. I feel his hand slide down my body to my ass, and then our hips are pressed together and I can feel how hard he is. My body remembers the shattering orgasm from the other night, and suddenly I’m wet.

  Sam rolls over me, and I feel the crunch of leaves under my back. I smell dirt and leaves and Sam. I’m lightheaded from the lack of oxygen but I don’t want to stop. Our tongues dance together and I’m tempted to let him take me here, in the middle of the park, in the middle of the day.

  Zeus comes crashing over to us, butting his head against Sam’s side. We break apart, and Sam laughs. “You okay, boy?” he asks, but Zeus is already gone, chasing a leaf or something else that I can’t see. Sam looks back at me, and the moment is gone. That magic that was just swirling around us has vanished along with the truce. I’m not angry. Not the way I was the other night, but something about Sam makes me lose control. After everything, I can’t afford that. It just makes it all muddled, especially when I need answers that he’s not willing to give me.

  He doesn’t stop me when I get up. “I have to get back and check on the animals.”

  “Wait, Fiona.” Sam stops me with a hand on my arm. His voice is low and raspy after our kiss. “Please don’t just walk away. You let me kiss you. I know that you want me. I want you too—you have no idea how much.”

  I don’t meet his eyes, because I know that right now I’m too weak, and if I look, I’ll stay. I can’t stay. “You know
it’s not that simple.”

  “It can be.”

  “It’s not.”

  Zeus noses against my leg, and I reach down to pet him before walking back toward the vet’s office. Sam doesn’t follow me, and even though it almost kills me, I don’t look back.

  6

  Rose is waiting for me in the bakery when I arrive in the morning. I haven’t seen her since the party and I know that I’m about to get the third degree. But I suppose that’s to be expected when you run out of your sister’s engagement party sobbing. At least I get to eat some cake while I’m being interrogated.

  Ever since Thomas Logan—Rose’s fiancé—helped save my father’s bakery and moved it to a better location in town, it’s been a little bit of a sensation. He’s a really great baker, and with the success that he’s had, he’s not only well on his way to paying off his loan, but he’s been able to hire some very talented pastry chefs. One is a wedding cake maker that’s about to serve us samples for Rose’s wedding.

  Rose is sitting in a sun-drenched corner of the bakery, practically glowing. She’s in a dress that’s a little too summery for this time of year, but she’s glowing. She never used to wear dresses, her uniform being pants and whatever shirt she pulled on. Nothing special. Now she’s blossomed into a bit of a girly-girl. It’s nice to see her have the space to figure out who she really is, now that she’s not worrying about my father and me. I’m glad that the game of twenty questions yesterday didn’t continue because there are plenty of embarrassing mistakes I’ve made in the last ten years that I don’t want Sam knowing about.

  Looking up, Rose saves me from that line of thought. “Hi!” she jumps up and wraps me in a hug.

  “Hey.”

  “Are you ready to try some cake?” Her voice is way too bubbly, and I can already tell she’s prepping to grill me.

  I smile. “If you’re ready to drop the act.”

  “Fine,” she rolls her eyes. “But I am excited about the cake. Should we at least let June know we’re here before we start?”

  She doesn’t wait for me to answer, marching straight back into the kitchen. The benefit of being the owner’s daughter. I settle myself at her table and try to prep mentally for everything that I have to tell her.

  Rose comes back in, practically bouncing, and hands me a spoon covered in frosting that’s matching the one she’s already eating. “Don’t give me a speech about sugar,” she says. “We’re tasting my wedding cake. I can have as much sugar as I want.”

  That makes me laugh. “Okay, I won’t warn you that sugar is going to kill you today.”

  “But what a way to go,” she says. “So spill.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “And you’re a rotten liar. Why did you leave the party crying? Did you see Sam?”

  I can’t help but laugh, even though it’s not that funny. “You could say that.” Rose stares at me. She’s good at drawing out what she wants using silence. And this time is no exception. I can’t take the pressure of her just staring, waiting. “Being back in that house was really overwhelming, and after the toast—which was where I first spotted him—I needed to be alone for a minute. So I went upstairs to the bathroom.”

  “I wondered where you’d gone,” Rose says.

  June comes out from the back of the bakery with a plate and five different slices of cake. Setting it down between us, she smiles. “There’s more where that came from if you need more choices.”

  “Thanks, June.” Rose smiles at her. And then she nods at me. “Keep going.”

  “I was in the bathroom for a few minutes, but I just didn’t want to go back downstairs. I don’t even remember getting there, but I got to Sam’s room…and he found me there.”

  Rose’s face goes a little pale. “And you guys fought?”

  “We did,” I say, “but first…we kind of had sex.”

  “WHAT?”

  Everyone in the bakery is looking at us now. “Rose,” I say. “Shh.”

  “Umm…I will NOT. You had sex with Sam?” She stage whispers the last bit to me. “Why?”

  I shake my head. “I honestly don’t know. I was just so lost in the past, in that room, and he was there, and the way he was looking at me…but it doesn’t matter.”

  “Why doesn’t it matter?”

  “Because he still won’t tell me why. When I—” I clear my throat, “came to my senses, I asked him again, and it was the same. He got all quiet and wouldn’t say anything about what happened that night. And I couldn’t handle it. So I left.”

  Rose takes her fork and cuts into a piece of cake that looks like some sort of chocolate. “I’m sorry,” she says. “Are you okay?”

  “I actually am,” I say. “He came into the office with Zeus, and we called a truce. Just trying to exist without that night spoiling everything. We can’t have a screaming match every time we see each other. Especially with the wedding.”

  “Well,” Rose makes a face and cuts into another piece of cake, “I’ll do my best not to put you two together.”

  I take a bite of a red velvet that practically melts and my mouth. “Oh my God you need to try that one,” I say. “And don’t worry too much. None of this is your fault, and I’m a big girl. It’s hard enough to plan a wedding without worrying about my drama.”

  She takes a bite and groans. “Oh my God that’s good. And you’re right, but I’m not going to have you walk down the aisle together or anything.”

  I laugh, and take a bite of what turns out to be lemon. It’s a good cake, but not nearly as good as the red velvet.

  “So you guys have a truce?”

  “Until he finally decides to tell me why he did what he did, yeah. It’s either that or the screaming matches.”

  “I vote truce,” she says.

  We try all five slices of cake, and nothing compares to that red velvet. “I’m going to go get the next flight,” Rose says.

  “The next flight?”

  “Lots of cake to try, sister.”

  Oh God, I’m going to be in a sugar coma by the end of this. My phone chimes with a text message, and I fish it out of my purse. It’s not a familiar number. But the message makes me go still. It’s an address, and one simple sentence:

  Dinner? Truce is still in effect.

  It’s Sam. Sam is asking me to dinner. I’m guessing that address is his house on the edge of town.

  How did you get my number?

  I have my ways.

  Which probably means that either Thomas or Rose gave it to him.

  What would this dinner entail?

  There’s a pause, and then the little typing bubble pops up again.

  Normal dinner things. Food. Conversation. My sparkling wit.

  But we’re still in the truce.

  A longer pause this time.

  Absolutely.

  This is probably not a good idea. But it could be. It’s entirely possible that the more time I spend with Sam, the less I’ll care about what happened, whether or not he actually tells me about it. I mean, it’s a long shot. But here I am, telling my sister that she doesn’t have to keep me away from him so that I don’t kill him. I know that’s on me. Anything I can do to keep myself from that is a good idea.

  What time?

  7:30?

  I’ll see you there.

  I put my phone away as Rose comes back with another set of cake. I may not even be able to eat dinner with this much cake in my system. I guess I’ll find out. My phone buzzes one more time and I can’t resist looking at it.

  Looking forward to it.

  7

  I realize as I drive up to the house that I never really took the time to imagine what kind of house Sam would live in now. It’s on the edge of town, just like he described, but it’s not isolated. There are nearby houses and it feels more like a spread out neighborhood than a house in the country. It is beautiful though.

  It’s a modern looking house, a few sharper angles in the building than what’s
typical of Hawthorne. The driveway is lined with oak trees, and the leaves are just starting to turn. Later in the fall I’m sure it will be absolutely gorgeous.

  I park the car and get out, shivering a little. The sun is setting and the temperature this time of year drops pretty quickly. I’m wearing a sweater, but it’s thin—there was a fair amount of time spent trying to balance looking good without encouraging the chemistry that is obviously still between us. Sam must have seen me drive up because I don’t even have to knock. He opens the door as I walk up the steps, and predictably he takes my breath away. He’s dressed casually like me, in jeans and a henley that shows off the strength of his body. The way the sleeves show off his forearms has me thinking thoughts that I should not be thinking right now.

  “Hi,” I say, and I hope I sound breezy enough. Even though it’s a little ridiculous to put so much meaning on one syllable.

  “Hello.”

  A second later Zeus is at the door, pushing past Sam and out to me. I lean down to pet him. “He seems better.”

  “He is,” Sam agrees. “I’ve already started to change his diet. He seems to like it.”

  “Good,” I say to Zeus. “A good boy deserves a good diet.”

  Sam laughs softly. “Come on in.”

  The inside of the house is nothing like his family’s mansion on the other side of town. That is glitzed out and over decorated and a pure statement of wealth. Sam’s house is just shy of minimalist. Dove gray walls and white trim and simple additions of color here and there make it look like it’s something out of a home magazine. “Your house is beautiful,” I say.

  “Thank you.” He smiles knowingly. “Were you expecting it to look like my parents’ house?”

  A blush creeps up my neck. “A little.”

  “Not really my style,” he says.

  “I can’t say I’m mad about that,” I say, following him deeper into the house. “So why am I really here?”

  He turns, glancing over his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

  “I—” I pause, realizing I need to choose my words carefully. “I just don’t understand the invitation.”