Big O Box Set Read online

  I’m going to throw up. How can this be happening? I’ll have to move out of town, join a traveling carnival, or get plastic surgery to alter my appearance. I’m not even joking—maybe I’m being dramatic, but I’m definitely not joking. I’m going to be the only person in recorded human history to actually die from humiliation.

  “You all right?” Ram says.

  I look up at him. The skin between his eyes knits with concern. I have no words so I just nod my head.

  Since this day can’t possibly get much worse, I look at the texts between me and Ram and the blood rushes to my face, my cheeks blazing.

  Cum ovr an fuk me. I wrote that… Oh look, I sent more pictures. The same ones I sent Evan. Real fucking nice. I wonder how many other people I sent them to. I’m such an incredible idiot. Well, at least they weren’t nudes. That’s the only ray of light shining through this shit storm.

  God, Ram must think I’m pathetic after writing that. But, to be fair, he showed up after those texts, so I might not be the only asshole in the room.

  Glancing up at Ram, he stares back me, and looks like he’s about to crack up.

  “You look a little embarrassed,” he says.

  I fill my lung until they hurt and hold my breath. Maybe if I hold it in long enough, I’ll pass out and won’t have to sit through this humiliation any longer.

  “I am,” I say, the breath rushing out with my words.

  His smile deepens the lines around his mouth. Those lines seem to be a permanent fixture on his face, which means he must smile a lot. “I don’t know if you’re embarrassed enough, though,” he says thoughtfully.

  “Oh my God,” I say, blanching. “How bad was it?”

  He shrugs. “Pretty bad.”

  My throat goes dry and I try to swallow. “What did I do?”

  “Do you mean aside from trying to rip my shirt off and grab my dick?”

  “Oh. My. God.”

  My eyes involuntarily flicker to the front of his pants before I close them and count to ten. When I open them again, his shoulders are shaking and he’s fighting back laughter.

  “I can’t believe I did that,” I say, trying to avert my gaze so I look everywhere but his package that, since he mentioned it, sits at the forefront of my mind. “Did we …”

  His smile wanes. “No. You were drunk.”

  “That wouldn’t have stopped most guys.”

  “I’m not most guys,” he says, the humor gone from his voice.

  I feel sick. This is so embarrassing, and it gets worse the longer he stays here. “Maybe you should go,” I tell him. I can’t bear to look at him so I turn away. “I have to take Hercules for his walk.”

  “I need to get to work anyway,” he says. “Enjoy the pancakes.”

  I listen to his footsteps as he walks away, and when I hear the click of the door behind him, I release the stale air from my lungs. When he’s gone, I look at the food on the stove. It smells amazing and I’m starving. I make myself a plate and sit down. I’m so stupid. I can’t believe what I did. At least I’ll never see him again. This is a small town, but it’s big enough that I don’t have to worry about running into people I don’t want to see. At least not that often, anyway.

  I take a bite of the pancakes and melt. They’re delicious. Perfect hangover food.

  There are four things I’ve learned about Ram in the short period of time he’s been in my apartment—or at least since I’ve been conscious: He’s gorgeous, knows how to cook, didn’t take advantage of me while I was dunk, and he has earned the nickname ‘Bed Shaker.’ The tickle between my legs makes me think that maybe I was a little hasty kicking him out.

  3

  Ram

  As I’m unloading my equipment from the truck, my mind starts to wander back to this morning at Cadie’s apartment. When she appeared in the kitchen, the makeup cleaned off her face, and her hair pulled back, it was like looking at a different person, a piece of art that should be hanging in the Louvre. Everything about her was beautiful, from her silky dark hair to the roiling storm of her gray eyes. Even in workout clothes she was a vision. There’s something inherently sexy about the way she holds herself, so graceful and commanding. A far cry from the drunken mess she’d been the night before. It makes me even more curious about why she’d gotten so wasted. Not to say that I’ve never gotten hammered for no apparent reason myself, but it was usually with friends, not alone. She doesn’t strike me as an alcoholic, and by the extent of her embarrassment this morning, I’m guessing this kind of thing doesn’t happen often. The thing about drunks is they get used to humiliation after a while. That’s not the case with Cadie.

  I want to know her story. I want to know everything about her.

  “How’d it go last night?” Tim asks, shaking me from my thoughts.

  “What?”

  “With the girl. You met up with a girl, right?”

  “Oh, yeah, I did.”

  Normally I share some details about my flings with Tim, but for some reason, when it comes to this girl, I want to keep her all to myself.

  He stares at me, waiting. “Well, what happened?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Nothing?”

  “Not a damn thing.”

  He glares at me, clearly not content with my answer. “Bullshit.”

  “I hung out with a Great Dane and watched TV.”

  “A Great Dane? Is that slang for an ugly chick?”

  I laugh. “No, an actual Great Dane.”

  “So you hung out with a dog?”

  “Yep.”

  Tim sighs and goes back to work. “That’s disappointing,” he says.

  I smile at him and pat him on the back as I head to the truck to get the hedge clippers. When I look up, I immediately stop. The woman walking on the sidewalk heading for the entrance of the building stops too, her big gray eyes widening with recognition. Part of me wonders if by thinking about Cadie so much this morning, I’ve somehow conjured her.

  “What are you doing here?” she says, surprised, and maybe a little angry as if I’ve done something wrong. The accusation in her tone and in the furrow of her brow confuses me at first until I realize she doesn’t know this is my job site. We don’t wear logos on our shirts. I’m sure it looks like I’m just hanging out in front of … what is this building anyway? I look around for a sign, but don’t see anything. I go where Tim leads us. No questions. He pays well and on time, that’s all I care about.

  “I’m working. What are you doing here?” I say with the same accusation. I’m covered in dirt. Wiping the potting soil on hands onto my shorts doesn’t help.

  She looks over at Tim who has stopped what he’s doing to watch the exchange. He lifts an eyebrow and gives a not-so-subtle thumbs-up. I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to the goddess standing before me.

  “Oh,” she says, the frown still there, but I can tell she’s feels more awkward than angry. “I thought you were a surf instructor.”

  “I am, part time. I do landscaping too.”

  Her eyes scan my body, my dirty clothes, the sweat covering my shirt. Inside, I’m wishing I was showered and clean for this second encounter with her, but the look on her face isn’t reading like someone who’s disgusted by my appearance. Just the opposite, actually. Her eyes keep roaming over me, until finally landing on my crotch. She stares at it a moment too long, then shakes her head and looks away.

  I bite my lip to keep from laughing. This girl is thirsty for some cock, that’s obvious, and I’m more than willing to give it to her. Just thinking about it makes me a little hard, which doesn’t go unnoticed when she looks at me again.

  “You don’t have to stalk me, you know,” I say. Her eyes shoot up and she looks at me, surprised. “I’ll give you what you want.” I take a step closer to her.

  She doesn’t move away. “You’re insane. I don’t want anything from you.”

  “Are you sure? It didn’t seem like that last night.”

  I take another step closer.
She still doesn’t move. Her breathing comes faster, her lovely breasts rising and falling. Her eyes find mine and I’m struck by a feeling that is … confusing, and not entirely sexual. I’m not sure how to explain it. It makes me falter a bit, and I step back.

  I swallow and say, “You might not remember this, but your hands were all over me.”

  She lets out a shaky breath. “I have to go.”

  “Are you sure?” I ask.

  She starts to turn around. I panic, because part of me worries that if she leaves, I’ll never hear from her again. I don’t know why I even care. There are a hundred women on my roster waiting for their turn with the Bed Shaker. Cadie is no different.

  “How were the pancakes, by the way?” I ask stupidly. It’s all I can think of on short notice.

  She stops, looking back at me over her shoulder. “Delicious, actually.” She then looks at my truck in the parking lot. “You bring your board with you to work?” she says, obviously trying to change the subject. She said she has to go, but it feels like she just found an excuse to stay.

  “I go straight from work to the beach.”

  She hesitates. I can tell by the look of concentration on her face that she’s trying to think of something else to say. She looks at the ground, flushed. “I should go,” she says.

  “Me too.”

  I could stand here all day talking to her, or not talking to her, as long as I’m with her—

  STOP, I chide myself. What the hell is wrong with me? Connections aren’t my thing. I have sex with women, no strings attached. I like it that way. No one gets hurt, nothing gets messy. The last girlfriend I had was all the way back in high school. Since then, it’s all been flings, and never once have I even met someone I considered settling down with. It’s not in my nature.

  Cadie walks into the building. I watch her every step. It’s a lovely view, the fullness of her ass, the way her hips sway just so, the thick ponytail touching the middle of her back. Everything about her does it for me.

  When she’s gone, I go back to my work. Tim comes up to me, a smile stretched from ear-to-ear. “A friend of yours?” he asks.

  I look at the spot where Cadie had been standing. “Not yet, but I’m working on it.”

  4

  Cadie

  After leaving the studio, I sit in the food court at the mall, drinking a blended coffee and looking at Ram’s pictures on Instagram. He has an incredible body, but the pictures I’m drawn to are the close-ups of his face. There’s one picture in particular I gravitate to more than the others. It’s of him on the beach. He’d just gotten out of the water, his wet hair a crown of golden curls around his face. His bright blue eyes sparkle like sea glass, and that smile … it leaves me breathless. It literally makes me weak in the knees looking at him.

  It’s no wonder he has over fifty thousand—mostly women and gay men—following his page. The women leaving comments have no class. They are absolutely shameless in their approach and don’t hold anything back. There are marriage proposals, people asking him to get them pregnant, and basically just word-fucking him. Some of these comments are just … wow. Where do they come up with this stuff, prison? I keep scrolling; afraid I’ll get herpes just reading it.

  I imagine it would be intimidating for a girl if he actually wanted to settle down and date someone. No woman wants to be with a guy who gets this much attention. But I guess a guy who gets that kind of attention probably doesn’t do a lot of serious dating.

  I put down my phone and when I look up, my ex Evan and his new girlfriend are standing in front of the store directly across from the food court. I immediately jump out of my chair and duck behind a table full of teenage girls. I don’t think he saw me. The girls at the table look at me like I’m crazy. Some even look scared.

  “That’s my ex with his new girlfriend. He cheated on me with her,” I tell them in a hushed voice even though he’s far enough away not to hear, and even if he weren’t, the chatter of the food court would drown out my voice.

  They glance at Evan, then rally around me as a human shield. I let out a sigh of a relief.

  “What a jerk,” one of the girls says.

  “What’s he doing?” I ask.

  These girls are all too happy to back me up. They thrive on the challenge. “Just standing there looking at baby stuff in the window.”

  “Baby stuff?” I say.

  “Yeah, the woman he’s with is like, a million years pregnant.”

  “What?” I hiss.

  Rage boils inside of me. Pregnant? I peek around the girls to get a look for myself, and there she is, his girlfriend and her round belly. Gina didn’t say anything about her being pregnant! Then again, she also said she didn’t get a good look at his new girlfriend either.

  I get a glimpse of the new woman. She’s pretty and dresses more conservatively than I do. Her blonde hair is in a bob, and her makeup is done in nude, unassuming colors. She’s shorter than I am, more petite. Evan always did say my height and long limbs intimidated him, and that being with a taller woman made him feel less masculine. I brushed it off as a normal insecurity, but maybe that was important to him. His poor, fragile male ego. Fuck him.

  She’s very put-together, probably a secretary, or office assistant. I bet her name is Susan, or Laura, something old fashioned that’s coming back in style. Shit, what if she saw the pictures I sent to Evan’s work phone while I was wasted? What if they had a good laugh at his pathetic ex? FUCK. I’m thinking way too much about this. I glance at her round belly. Not a million years pregnant, but at least five months. Evan is such a bastard. I wonder if she knew about me. It’s hard to believe she was dating a man for a year and didn’t know he was living with someone else. He probably told her we were just sharing a place until the lease was up, or something equally douchy. I hate them both.

  They finally leave and I stand up, my legs weak and barely able to hold my weight. “Thanks, ladies,” I say and buy them all a round of blended mochas for their help.

  My hands are still shaking as I leave. I call Gina and tell her what I saw. She tells me to call Ram Bed Shaker to get my mind off of it. The thought crossed my mind as well. I’m just so embarrassed by how I acted around him when I was drunk.

  Once I’m off the phone with Gina, I decide to text Ram. Not for sex—I’m too wound up for that right now, and I don’t like the idea of sleeping with one man to forget about another—but for a distraction. I’ve always wanted to learn how to surf. It looks fun and relaxing, riding waves, being in the ocean, the weightlessness of it.

  Eventually, after rolling the idea around in my head for a while, I text Ram and ask him for lessons. I chew my thumbnail as I wait for his response. He’s probably booked up for the summer. I imagine he’s in high demand. Then, like the neurotic person I am, I start to panic. What if he thinks I’m an idiot after I got drunk and texted him—scratch that, of course he does. How could he not? Maybe he won’t want anything to do with me now. He’ll probably see my text and roll his eyes, think to himself, Oh, God, not this lunatic again.

  Though he was acting kind of flirty with me in front of the studio this morning, but that could just be his personality with all women. What if he doesn’t text back? I’m going to feel like such a desperate moron.

  Just as I’m about to lose my mind, I get a text.

  Ram: Can you meet me at Clover Beach in an hour?

  My heart slams into my ribs, my nerves instantly on edge. Why am I so nervous? All I want is to take surf lessons, and I know my nerves have nothing to do with the actual surfing part—I’m very athletic and I’m an excellent swimmer. I spent my summers in high school as a lifeguard on Clover Beach.

  Me: I’ll be there.

  Since I’m already at the mall, I decide it’s time for a new bikini. While I’m not setting out to sleep with Ram, I do want to look good for him. He turns me on, I’m not going to lie, and the way he flirts with me makes me feel good about myself. I desperately need that right now. And I definitely want
to make a different impression on him. I don’t want to only be thought of as the drunk girl he had to babysit. There’s nothing sexy about that.

  After searching several different stores, I finally find the perfect bathing suit. It’s white and fits like a glove. There’s not much to it, but that’s the point. This will look amazing against my skin, and it’s cut so that it shows off all the right bumps and curves. I smile. This will do just fine.

  5

  Ram

  When Cadie arrives on the beach wearing a tiny white bikini, it’s as if everyone else disappears and all I see is her. Her long hair hangs loose around her shoulders and stops just below her perfect breasts. The smooth mounds call to me, making my mouth water. She looks like she just stepped out of a photo shoot.

  “What’s wrong?” she says, her full lips hinting at a smile. She tucks her hair behind her ears, exposing her long neck. “What are you staring at?”

  She acts all innocent, like she doesn’t know exactly what’s going through my head, but no one wears a bikini like that without expecting a fair amount of attention. The fact that she’s wearing it for me makes me think maybe it’s not just the surf lessons she’s after today.

  “Only the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” I say. Yeah, it’s a line, but it’s also true.

  She scoffs at the compliment and rolls her eyes. I’m sure people tell her how beautiful she is all the time, but somehow I don’t think she realizes the extent of it, which makes me think that somewhere down the road, someone has betrayed her. A boyfriend or husband. Perhaps whoever was in a hurry to move out of her place, leaving the hangers in a pile in her closet. I can’t imagine any man wanting to leave this woman for any reason.